in which our hero reprints O What Tangled Webs We Weave

Not to brag, but I thought some of the titles were quite clever. This one was about the Internet - it's a little dated, but still fun:

Have you noticed how everyone has a web site these days? Everything has a URL.  It’s dot.com this and dot.com that.  These darn web sites are more dot.com-mon than houseflies.  It’s getting to where a guy can’t even dot.com-municate without using the Internet.  The other day my daughter missed dinner.  When she came home, I asked her where she’d been.  She said “Didn’t you check my web site, Dad?” 

A lot of those sites aren’t easy to use, either.  It’s a very dot.com-plicated process.  In fact, searching the Internet can leave you dot.com-atose by the time you find any useful information.  The World Wide Web is like it’s own dot.com-munity, you know?  It’s even got a separate language! To whit:

·         When Internet skydivers jump out of the plane, rather than “Geronimo”, they yell “dot.Com-anche”! 

·         In the Web world, countries don’t wage war against each other; Generals dot.com-mand their armies into dot.com-bat. 

·         Internet dot.com-panies don’t pit their business acumen against each other in the marketplace, they dot.com-pete.

·         Once you put data into an Internet safe, you know it’s secure because only you know the dot.com-bination.

·         After a long hard day on the Web, nothing is more relaxing than a stop at your favorite pub and listening to a jazz dot.com-bo. 

·         Sundays are always special in Web publishing, because the dot.com-ics are in color!

·         Graduates of Internet universities go through virtual dot.com-mencement to receive their degrees.

·         Feedback is an important dot.com-ponent of the Web, so be sure to send in your dot.com-ments!  Remember to avoid rambling dot.com-mentary, unless you’re a professional dot.com-mentator.

·         Rather than a czar, the Russian government might consider the appointment of a  dot.Com-missar to oversee their Internet dot.com-merce. 

·         On the Internet, incendiary rhetoric is referred to as dot.com-bustible.

·         If you get hungry while surfing the Web, grab a virtual bite to eat at the dot.com-missary.

·         Internet dot.com-pensation is often not dot.com-mensuarte with experience.

·         Ads on web sites could be referred to as dot.com-mercials.

·         Web humorists are called dot.com-edians.

·         If the Internet had been invented 4000 years ago, God would probably have    e-mailed Moses the Ten dot.Com-mandments.

·         On the Internet, Marx and Lenin could have created dot.Com-munism as the people’s answer to Capitalism.

·         Drank too much iced tea while surfing the net?  No problem, just look for the dot.com-mode.

·         In the virtual reality of the Web, even in death, Elvis could easily make a dot.com-eback.

·         Since two months equals a year in cybertime, Haley’s dot.Com-et visits the Internet every 14 years.  That’s 588 cyber-dog years!  (To call your dog on the web, just yell “dot.Com-mere, Rex!”)

·         After a bad day at work, web designers like to gather together over an adult beverage and dot.com-miserate.

·         You know why those dot.com-puter viruses are so dangerous?  Because they’re very dot.com-municable.

·         I love watching old Western movies on the web, cause in the end all the bad guys get their dot.com-euppance.

·         Punctuation on the web is easy, since only two punctuation marks are valid: periods and dot.com-mas.

·         On the web, you don’t celebrate milestones, you dot.com-memorate them.

·         Everyone lives in peace on the web – it’s very dot.com-munal!

·         When the server goes down, it causes quite a dot.com-motion!

While this list is not dot.com-plete, I don’t want to be accused of not having dot.com-passion for you, dear reader.  Besides, if I do them all, how could I do Oh What Tangled Webs We Weave, The Sequel?!