in which our hero reflects on 2011...

Seasons Greetings, Christmas salutations, and Happy New Year, Hansaniacs. 2011 was an interesting year at 1359 N Forrest, but apparently not interesting enough to blog about. (For what it's worth, there are four drafts in various stages of composition...) Sorry about that - according to a friend at work, that will change next year, as she will goad and challenge me to blog more often. After 0-for-2011, that's a low bar to clear...

On to the year in review in the Hansen household:

In August, she was Plus One, later amended to
Penelope.

We're expanding! Megan and Nate surprised us in March with news of a Baby Braxton, just in time for Christmas! Well, Dec 29 is the official due date, but if Christmas music can start after Ashley's birthday (Nov 13), then late December is a Christmas baby. Young Miss Penelope gave her momma quite the tummy ache for the better part of six months - not unlike her momma. Nater and Preggo Meggo have stretched their creative talents preparing the nursery for Grammie and Pappy's Lucky Penny. As we are wont to say around each other, it's very ess-citing! 


And we're contracting! At least the C&D is - she's lost 60 pounds since July with a program called Matol. It works for me too, when I follow it, but my travel schedule played havoc with consistently staying with the program. Lynn has high hopes of getting down to her lowest adult weight early in 2012. I have high hopes of losing my own zip code, and not having to weigh myself on a truck scale.

And to think, I missed this!

Everyone remembers the blizzard that dumped 21 inches of snow. Well, almost everyone.  For the first half of the year, I spent every other week in Little Rock, Arkansas. Guess which week the blizzard came? Yep, I was down south while the C&D was housebound for a week. By the time I came home Thursday night, she had cleared a 21-inch wide path to the street (pictured on the right), and about ten feet at the top of the drive to get the car off the road. And so it went all winter - every time it snowed, chances are I was traveling.

With the spring came the rain. Lots of rain. The rain came at regular enough intervals to wash off the liquid deer fence from the plant beds. Thus, the deer turned the entire landscape into a endless hosta buffet. And when the summer drought / dry-boil off arrived, I just wrote off the landscape for 2011. I didn't even take a shovel to the pond to reshape it or deepen it - that's only happened a couple of times since we've been here. Hunter's Bridge spanned a dry Hunter's Creek. Better luck next year, maybe.

Lynn thought her four generation pic was awful,
so out of self preservation, I'll post this one

Ashley and the kids arrived in mid-July for an extended visit before vacation in Wisconsin (more about that in a minute...). A photographer friend of Lynn's (www.chingphoto.com) offered to take some pictures of Hunter and Livie, so we used the opportunity to take a four generation picture - Lynn's mom, Lynn Ann, Ashley and Livie. Almost everyone co-operated. On my mom's birthday, we got a chance for another four generation photo. Again, almost everyone cooperated.

See what I mean? They owned the beach...

The highlight of 2011 was certainly our family vacation in Wisconsin in August. All the Kirbys, Braxtons and Hansens in one chaotic, noisy cabin. It was heaven on earth. Hunter calls Afterglow (www.afterglowresort.com) 'Grammie and Pappy's beach'. Livie was the toast of the sands at the waterfront, while Hunter Man swam out to the diving dock for the first time. Such a big boy! What makes Afterglow so wonderful is sharing it with Lynn's brother and his family, along with the extended family we've acquired. When you share a week with the same families 14 years in a row, you build some amazing relationships. And rivalries, too: Megs & Ate designed family team shirts for us all to wear, and I fear we started something; it's game on for the other groups.

2011 Afterglow team shirts debuted
at the Monday potluck

We teamed up with Lynn's brother and his wife in October and took Lynn's Mom up to Afterglow for a long weekend. She loves Wisconsin so much, and we all wanted to experience fall. We missed the leaves - and unseasonably warm temperatures in the 70s - by a week, but we missed the first snow by a week, too. Grannie got to "walk" around the lake for the first time, courtesy of Gail and Pete's golf cart. I talked Pete into letting me split some firewood - he thought I was crazy, but it was an hour well spent. I had fun, and it was a chance to give a little something back to some folks that have blessed our lives so richly. Now if he'll just let me run the chainsaw - so many trees, so many trees...

Grannie, Hanna Girl, Grandmother, and Paw Paw
celebrating Hanna's 26th birthday

Hanna Girl had the opportunity to chaperone a group of Youth For Understanding students in their travels to the US, in exchange for free airfare. So she mother-henned a bunch of awkward, star-struck kids through Chicago and all the way to Peoria. It was fun to watch them meet their US families for the first time and remember the two times we've done that. Hi, I'm a perfect stranger, but I'm going to be part of your family for the next year... Then fast forward 10 years and see this lovely, accomplished young world traveller. We had a wonderful visit, and got to celebrate her birthday - with cake! She spent a long weekend in Columbus with Meg, and finally got to met Nate. Then we sent her off to Lawton, where she completed her introductions to new family by seeing Miss Livie and the rest of the Kirbys. Hunter got quite the kick out of meeting someone from the same country as Max Schnell, the German race car from Cars 2.

Hunter immediately made the connection
between his London souvenir and Cars 2

 At work, I had the opportunity to facilitate a 2-day change workshop almost every month. It's one of my favorite things to do. One of them was in Leicester, England - my first trip outside North America. I flew into London on a Saturday night, and made arrangements to travel the two hours to Leicester late Sunday afternoon so I'd have a day to sightsee. I woke up at 7:15, and said to myself, Self, we could do with one more little snooze, so I rolled over and went back to sleep. And re-awakened at 12:30. Uh-oh. Since it was at least an hour in to the city each way, my tourist excursion in London consisted of reading a book in the hotel lobby for three hours while I waited for my taxi. On the drive north, the most distinctive feature of the topography was the hedgerows alongside the road. Other than that, it seemed a lot like Kansas, with stone buildings. I did get to eat in an authentic pub and see some buildings that were built in the 1700's.  Other than that, it was pretty much like all my other business trips - you see a Cat facility, a conference room, and a lot of your hotel. Except, of course, everyone talked funny. I can only imagine what they thought of the crazy American. To the best of my knowledge, no embassies were involved - but I was only there a week.

Tell me this face isn't worth
twelve hours in the car!

We're getting well acquainted interstate travel. It's almost 12 hours from Peoria to Ashley at Ft Sill in Lawton, OK, and 8 hours to Megan in Mansfield, OH. We're fortunate that Lucky Dog is a great traveller, because it seems like every other month we're packing up the Escape and heading off into the night. But the end of the rainbow is filled with granchillrens or granchillren-to-be, so any sacrifice is worth it. Being a grandparent is everything it's  cracked up to be and more. I love going to the outlet mall in Aurora and carrying out half the Carter's store, so Ash and Shane don't have to spend a lot of their money on dressing their kids. Hunter's teacher at school mentioned how he always looked so nice, and asked him where he got his clothes. "The Grammie and Pappy Store", he said. I haven't changed my thought process from his first Christmas, when I came home with yet another package, and the C&D said don't you think we've bought enough for him, and I replied, what, we still have money. Until I hear differently from above, I'll operate under the assumption that God has blessed me so richly so that I can pass it along to my grandkids!

2011 was notable for how we advanced further into the technology of the age. Laundry was turned from chore to delight with the addition of a new Maytag Super Duper Washer-Dryer pair. And oh, what a pair! They're so advanced, you can almost crawl into the washer naked and 40 minutes later pop out of the dryer, cleaned and fully dressed. I'm afraid to touch them, but wow, do they do what they do. The clothes come out of the washer practically dry, and out of the dryer nearly pressed. I'm afraid to touch them. But I don't have to, because the C&D is actually enjoying doing laundry. Which makes it worth every penny, even the cost of the new cabinets to dress out the laundry room (what? you can't just plunk them down into any old space, now can you?).

Ashley got a Keurig coffe maker for her birthday, and we took the plunge ourselves right before Christmas. I usually only drink coffee at home on the weekends, but the ease and convenience of a K-cup might convert me into drinking more than just at work. It brews a better mug of tea for Lynn, too. Not to mention how trendy it feels!

And then there is the iPhone upgrade! Oh, my my, how I love my iPhone. I'm afraid to set it on top of the new washer-dryer - the technology surge would probably disrupt the time-space continuum. My phone talks to my computer, my TV, my kids, bar codes and passing comets, probably. I put on Facebook that it's so cool my chest gets frostbite from carrying it around in my shirt pocket. I'm starting to feel like a one-percenter - all superior and snotty: Oh, you don't have an iPhone? How quaint. Perhaps you'll join the 21st century eventually. In the meantime, I'll download an app that will tell me the proper angle to look down my nose at you. Good day! Seriously, it's powerful enough that I'm going to try and go paperless - no Franklin Planner - next year.

And speaking of next year, if I don't quit typing, 2012 will come before the end of this piece. 2011 was a good year - and if Penny comes before Dec 31st, it holds more promise yet - filled with joy and the love of our wonderful family and friends. God is good, all the time, and He has been especially good to us in 2011. As you reflect on the year past, and the one to come, don't forget to include thanks to our Creator and Redeemer. Join me in pledging to talk to him more, reading his book, visiting his house more often, and growing closer to him next year. God bless us every one in 2012!

in which our hero says makes his first 2011 resolution...

2011 Resolution #1: Make better decisions.

I decided to check my brand new bag in Little Rock, so I wouldn't have to stand in the freezing jetway and retrieve it from the plane-side checking. Oops, New Bag doesn't make the Chicago to Peoria leg of the trip. Double Oops, the car keys are in the New Bag. Triple Oops, wake the C&D at 12:15am to come get me at the airport. Quadruple Oops, airline breaks off one of the New Bag's wheels. Quintile Oops, airline says don't look at us, we're not responsible in any way, shape or form. Thanks for nothing, I say. God bless the New Bag service department, who apologized, and cheerfully arranged to send me a new wheel.

I think maybe I'll just Fed Ex myself next time...

in which our hero says goodbye to a beloved dog...

I think dogs give us so much pleasure during their lives because they know how much our hearts will ache when they leave. When we got the horrible news about our Golden Retriever's lung cancer, it was hard to accept. We knew something was wrong, because she stopped eating, but we weren't ready for such a final diagnosis. So we spent a week watching her closely, unsure if we were hanging on for her sake or ours. When it was clear it was for us, it was time to end her suffering.


It's easy to look back at Lily's life, because she was such an easy dog to own - after she got past her puppyhood issues. We brought Lily and her brother Chewy home during the Charming and Delightful's recovery from back surgery. They kept each other occupied, which is another way of saying they gave each other inventive ideas to get into puppy trouble. Most notably, they once escaped their enclosure and ate a couch. We're pretty sure Lily was the brains of the operation. (Chewy wasn't ever really housebroken; he just followed Lily out the door, and then when he found himself outside, he figured he might just as well go...)


When we moved out to Germantown Hills, Lily exploited her new fenceless yard by gallivanting about farther than the eye could see. More than once I had to coax them into the car to bring them home from adventuring, but it was a way to meet the neighbors. Not the best way, because nothing says 'hi neighbor' like dragging your dogs out of someone's yard.

One of Lily's defining characteristics was entirely my fault. We had thoughts of breeding her, but hadn't done much about it. She was in heat, wandering around the yard while I mowed. Then she was gone. When the C&D asked me why I wasn't watching her, I was like, what's the big deal? Apparently, the call of the wild is, when you're a girl dog in heat. She came home hours later, completely exhausted and looking like she'd been through a car anti-wash - soaking wet and covered in grime and mud. And that's how she became a mama dog. She was almost a perfect mom - I'd strike the 'almost', but she tried to have her litter under our bed.

And oh what a litter it was! 13 puppies, every one of them black as night, with varying touches of white. If Lily noticed they bore her no resemblance whatsoever, it never showed in her care and attention. She was such a doting and caring mother that we called her Lily Mamas from that point forward.

She loved all babies, especially Hunter. Lily was very possessive of him, always sniffing at him and needing to know where he was at all times. She would pace back and forth and whine outside his bedroom if the door was closed. Ashley swears Lily gave her an evil eye - implying she was a bad mom - whenever he cried.

Lily didn't eat like any other dog we've ever had. Most dogs will chomp whatever is near their mouth. Not Lily. She would sniff everything, from treats to corn curls to steak, and nibble at it like a kid eating brussel sprouts. No matter how many Scoobie snacks I would give her, she'd act like she'd never seen one, and want to be sure it met her standards. It never failed to amuse me - my dog the food snob. After she finished eating, she would come find us, wherever we were, and prance around our feet with her dopey face. It was like she was thanking us for feeding her. Then she would wipe her mouth on the nearest couch - one pass for the left side of her muzzle, a return trip for the right. The C&D didn't like it, obviously, but it was another thing that never failed to amuse me - my dog with manners.

She had a lot of names. Besides Lily or Lily Mama, we often called her the Babies Mama. After the puppies left, we shortened Babies Mama to just Babies, or Mamas. We referred to her by color, Red Dog, her sex, Girl Dog, or breed, Golden. Megan and one of Ashley's friends started calling her Wilma for some odd reason and it stuck. Well, sorta. I thought it upset her, so I wouldn't use it. Sometimes when we wanted to get her excited, we would call her LilyMamasLilyMamasLilyMamasLilyMamas, (I don't know if she liked it, but it was fun to say). If she didn't come right away when we called, maybe it was because she didn't realize we were talking to her.

She was extremely connected to the C&D's emotions. Good or bad, Lily always knew. More than once I came home from work to find them curled up together on the couch - a sure sign of a bad day. More often than not the door opened to a prancing, spinning golden retriever. Lily was a happy, joyful dog. She loved to roll over on her back and show us her belly for rubbing. Every time she went up the stairs, she would stop and poke her nose through the ballisters for what we called stair love. It was very cute, unless you were behind her and needed to get up the stairs.

Out in the yard, she loved rolling in the grass or lolling in the sun. Unlike her brother or her son, she wouldn't chase a ball or a bird or a stick or a squirrel. But she stalked the frogs in the pond. Back and forth, back and forth - she would pace the edge of the pond to locate her prey. Once she spotted one, she would freeze into a point and slowly, slowly move in for the kill. Except they almost always escaped. She would spend ten minutes locked onto a frog, and when she got within four inches - bloop! - into the water they went. Then she would walk away. Never once did she show the slightest sign of frustration or disappointment - she was like, that was fun! And then five minutes later she'd be back to do it again.

The hardest part is the missing routines. Nothing seems quite right. I never realized how many times I said 'c'mon dogs'. Every night I turn off the TV and say c'mon dogs, let's go to bed. When I come in from outside, it's c'mon dogs, let's go inside. Did you feed the dogs? You dogs want to go? Open the door to let the dogs in or out. Now Lucky Dog is the only dog. He keeps looking at the garage door, expecting her to come in. Me too, buddy, me too.

Our Savior says the greatest compliment a master can bestow is to say well done, good and faithful servant. I believe that. Lily Mama, we will miss you so very, very much.

Well done, good and faithful dog.

in which our hero tells a story...

The old man sat comfortably in the warmth of the fire.

"Children," he said, raising his voice slightly to be heard above their playful chatter, "Come. Gather round, it's story time."

"Golly-owskis, Uncle Fuzzy, we love story time!"

"Tonight is a magical night, my loves. After we go off to our big sleep, at the place where today turns into tomorrow, we will be blessed with riches beyond compare. Where now we live in want, soon all we desire will be ours!"

"Wow, Uncle Fuzzy, how does that happen?"

"Through the power of faith, and steadfastness, and the magic of work. The Great Yellow Father will show his favor, and when we awaken tomorrow, our purse will be filled with coins. And we will show our gratitude to the Great Yellow Father by pledging to remain in his service as long as he will have us. Now, who wants ice cream?"

"Thanks, Uncle Fuzzy. You're the best."

As the old man settled deeper in to his chair, he thought, don't thank me, thank the Great Yellow Father - he's buying.

This story is brought to you by my first paycheck in a year. Thank you, Lord, for your provision and care.

in which our hero contemplates returning to work...

T-minus 24 days until the return to gainful employment. While obviously a happy happy joy joy event, there are always two sides to every coin. So, if I had a big sheet of paper with two columns labeled Pro and Con, what would be listed (in no particular order)?

Con:

1. The end of personal hygiene slacking. For the last 11 months, if I didn't want to take a shower, so what? But at the cubicle farm, the natives frown upon smelling like a randy goat. The Charming and Delightful may not see this as a con, but her good manners have kept her from commenting.
2. No more endless procrastination. Didn't get to it today? No biggie, there's always tomorrow. Taken to extremes, this could lead to a general laziness, evidenced by the fact that I've never weighed more in my life. Come to think of it, perhaps I could benefit from some structure in my life.
3. The dogs have gotten very used to having someone with them 24-7. That may not be true con. Their schedule basically consists of wake up, go outside, eat breakfast, early-am nap, mid-morning nap, pre-lunch nap, lunch nap, early-afternoon nap, afternoon nap, wag tail when garage door opens. The only difference will be with me gone, the naps will ALL be on the couch, as opposed to about half of them now.
4. Schedule restrictions. The hours between 8 and 5 are currently pretty open. If I want to go grocery shopping, get a haircut, browse the internet, see the doctor, etc etc, it's easy peesey. Soon, it will be that whole trading time for dollars thing, as those who provide the dollars will want a say in how I spend the time. Of course, with the way I'm spending my time now, any change will be an automatic upgrade.

Pro:

1. On the last working day of the month, the checking account receives a huge infusion of dollarooskees. Many, many more than the current employment arrangement provides.

On balance, it's no contest. When I walk back through the door February 1, I'll say the same thing I've said every day since I was invited to return: thank you, God!

in which our hero presents 30 things he loves about the C&D...

Years with zeros lend themselves to reflection, whether it's a birthday or anniversary. The Charming and Delightful, my beloved Lynn Ann, became my bride 30 years ago on December 7, 1979. The last three decades haven't gone quite how I imagined - but our amazing and wonderful love story has been better than I could have ever hoped for.

So in honor of our anniversary, here are 30 things I love about my wife, in no particular order:

1. She loves Jesus.
2. Whenever I say I like something, I get more of it. I said I liked her hair longer about 25 years ago, and she hasn't cut it short since.
3. She's taught me how to be less selfish. By following her example all these years, I've learned to be more other-centered.
4. Our home is decorated with warmth, comfort and great taste. Either that, or she's trained me to like whatever she does.
5. She doesn't make me carry her purse in public unless it's absolutely necessary.
6. Being her husband makes me want to be a better person.
7. She did most of the dirty work raising our girls without me, for the most part. I was too busy growing up or working.
8. She doesn't really ask for much.
9. She loves dogs.
10. Her unerring common sense. Every time I haven't listened to it, I've paid a heavy price.
11. The way she relates to her students is a joy to watch.
12. Her hair. I absolutely love her hair!
13. She's very soft.
14. I love how whenever we're on the road and stop in a drive-through, she always opens up my sandwich and folds back the wrapper.
15. She's a great road warrior: never needs to stop except for gas and food.
16. I love how she won't give up on fall as a season and Thanksgiving as a holiday - no Christmas after Halloween at our house...
17. She laughs at all my jokes, even the stupid ones.
18. She loves watching football on TV - the only time we've had a disagreement about watching sports was when I wanted to watch a NASCAR race instead of football.
19. I love how she gave up cooking with onions and green peppers because I don't like them.
20. I love her cooking - I don't eat pancakes or waffles from a box, they're always from scratch. And her sugar cookies are to die for!
21. When I watch my two daughters make their own homes now, I love how she taught them to be the women they are.
22. I love all the surrogate kids she's opened her heart to all these years: volleyball kids, students, friends of the girls, our exchange kids - they're all family
23. My mom adores her, and always has. And Lynn has been wonderful to my mom.
24. I'd rather spend time with her than anyone else on the planet. I love that she's my best friend.
25. I love how she hates to spend money on herself. I get to feel like I'm spoiling her by saying yes.
26. I love how her strengths complement my weaknesses, and vice versa.
27. She still makes my heart skip a beat with her 'hey, Sailor' look.
28. I love that she doesn't complain about all the projects I start but don't finish.
29. I love how much I admire her character.
30. I love how much I'm looking forward to whatever comes next, as long as we're together.

Happy Anniversary, Honey!

reflections on our hero's knee surgery...

Well, for starters, I went to the right place. That's an improvement over our last procedure (see here). No real victory for me, though, since the Charming and Delightful (C&D) drove.

I can't wait for the government to take over health care delivery, so it will be as efficient as the post office. That will SUCH an improvement... not. As it is, we arrived at the surgery center 60 minutes before surgery as requested. And comfortably sat in the waiting room for 20 minutes, sipping coffee and munching on snacks.

Uh, no, not exactly. No drinking or eating after midnight before surgery, so I sat there stewing about how hungry I was. I told the C&D that I didn't know why we had to be here early, just to sit in the waiting room. Don't start, she replied. I'm just saying that it seems like a lack of respect for my time... Try just behaving yourself, she sighed. She gave me the paper to read, but that might have been a mistake. Usually, the opinion pages raise my blood pressure, so I just stuck to the sports section.

They call my name to begin pre-surgery processing. Start here - strip down to your shorts and put on this surgical gown. Easy enough to comply, except for the 'put on' part. For starters, how do you put on something that's only half there? This thing has no back, and you have to tie it on from behind. On a good day, my hand-eye coordination is marginal. Without any coffee or breakfast, it's purt-near impossible. Stripped of my dignity, and more than a little grumpy I shuffle out and take a seat in a big armchair.

I am covered in a couple of heated blankets. Heated blankets! It's nice, but I can't help but think that maybe if you gave me more than half-clothes to wear and turned the heat above 50 degrees, I wouldn't need heated blankets to keep me warm. But that kind of thinking reflects behaving as myself, which is not in compliance with the C&D's orders, so I don't say that thought out loud.

It's quickly clear why they want me comfortable - because they're about to drive me nuts. I'm subjected to a parade of people who all follow the same routine: introduce themselves, tell me what they're going to do, and then ask me my name, date of birth and my doctor's name. The first couple of times, it's amusing. Hi, I'm Nurse So-and-So, and I'm going to stick you with a big sharp object, what is your name? Fair enough, I know from Facebook there are a couple hundred thousand Eric Hansens out there, and you wouldn't want to poke the wrong one. I'm Nurse Whatever, and I'm going to hand the doctor a pair of pliers, and what is your date of birth? Wait a minute, can't you read that off my chart? I'm Dr Neardeath, and I'm going to suspend your breathing and take your heartbeat to near zero, and who is your doctor? Hold it - you don't know which doctor you're working with? And I am paying how much for this??

My favorite interaction was with the surgeon's nurse. She informed me in her play-by-play that the doctor was going to come in and write on my knee. No problem, I replied, I've already taken care of that. You see, my oldest daughter almost had the wrong ankle operated on, so I have taken precautions. On my good knee, I have drawn a red circle with a slash through it - the international symbol for "not this one, amigo". On the intended target, I wrote "Winner winner chicken dinner". Nurse was not amused, and informed me that Doctor will not like that. Well, I've known Doctor since high school, he's done this three times on the C&D, so tough darts. Go by WalMart and pick up a sense of humor. She actually put on a pouty face, and said we'll see, but left unsaid an implied threat, like a five year old telling dad on me. Turns out Doc laughed, just like I thought he would.

And if I ever do this again, I'm going to answer with a different name and date of birth every time, just to see if they even pay attention.

The surgery and recovery were pretty unremarkable, probably because I wasn't conscious for much of it. The last time I had surgery was fifteen years ago, and I didn't come out of it so well. All I remember was being incredibly groggy and wanting to go home and sleep. The C&D told me we couldn't leave until I got dressed. So I stood up, dropped the gown on the floor, and started dragging on my clothes. No one was permanently injured by the spectacle, but lives were changed forever, and not necessarily in a good way. I won't take credit for the policy change allowing shorts under the gowns, but I wouldn't be surprised if my Moon-over-the-Operating-Room episode didn't at least spark some discussion...

So I count it as a small victory that I was able to get dressed without permanently scarring any psyches. Or falling down, either, which considering how often I topple over without anesthesia, is no small achievement.

I'll tell you something else that has changed since the C&D has had these surgical procedures. In all the pre-op phone calls and letters, they emphasized the need to have a responsible party be there to take you home. Well, when the C&D had surgery, I had to provide a notarized letter from two references certifying that I was, in fact, responsible. Took me three days - even my mom said she was out of town the first two times I called. When I said the C&D was my responsible party, they just nodded and said of course. I'm very glad they've streamlined that procedure.

The best part of the ride home was stopping to get lunch, but for the life of me, I can't remember what we ate.

I can't wait for the government to take over health care so we can improve the efficiency of the whole process.... Not!